Paradox and Steel
by The Wolf's Lady Bluebird
Summary: The Titan War is over, and in the aftermath, a new, happy, and free humanity is rising in an age of exploration. However, not everyone can escape their past as a soldier. Some people still have a duty to uphold, and some can never stop being a scout. Ereri one-shot
"Levi, look!"

Eren's cheeks were flushed, and his emerald eyes were dancing with mirth as he held out one sand-covered hand towards the old captain. "I found it right by the water," Eren carried on giddily. "It almost got swept out to sea, but I got it in time – here, take it!"

Levi peered down suspiciously at the object that Eren was offering him, but he held his hand out for it all the same. Eren was holding a palm-sized, white, cone-shaped seashell banded with streaks of teal and studded with small growths at the crown. When Levi gingerly took the shell and ran his hands over it, feeling the sleek body and spiky tip, something wet and sticky latched onto his finger. He tried to jerk his hand back quickly, but whatever had grabbed hold of him didn't want to let go, like some sort of suction cup. Flipping the shell over, Levi saw that his finger had been snatched by a lumpy, wet, black _thing_ that was wedged inside the shell.

Seeing Levi's alarmed expression, Eren let out a peal of laughter. "It's a live conch, Levi. Hange told me about them. That organism made the shell."

"That ugly little thing made this?"

"Yeah. Isn't it incredible?" Eren's smile could light up the world. "I found a dozen others down by the water, but they're too big for me to pull out of the sand."

The two of them stood quietly for a while, watching the setting sun dye the teal ocean with a shade of scarlet as it slipped down the horizon and under the gentle waves. The cool evening breeze caught Eren's hair and tossed it up in a maelstrom around his face, framing the boy's peaceful expression.

Without a word, Eren took Levi's hand and led him down to the surf, rolling up his pants and wading into the ocean. Levi followed, and the two swum out into the water until they could barely stand, their heads bobbing just above the water's surface.

Eren bent his head down and lapped up a little bit of the seawater. After a minute of running the liquid around his mouth, he smiled again. "It really is salty, like Armin said."

" _Eren,_ " Levi said, horrified.

"What? It's just water."

"Every creature in the sea pisses in that water, and you just put it in your mouth,"

Eren just laughed. "Don't worry, Levi. It's not going to be seawater that kills me."

"No, it's not," Suddenly, the seawater felt icy and heavy, pressing down on Levi's chest like a vice.

"Are you scared?"

"Not really," Eren shrugged. "I'm going to die, Levi, and nothing is going to stop that. Why should I be scared of something unavoidable?" He turned to gaze out over the sunset. "I got to see the ocean today, and tomorrow, I'll see Mikasa and Armin again. You're here, and humanity is finally free. There's nothing that I want to go back and change."

"I don't think I've ever been so happy."

The boy's voice cracked on that sentence.

Levi hesitantly reached towards Eren and pulled him back against him, cradling him in the water. Eren felt so light and delicate when he wasn't firmly on the ground, and Levi was seized by a sudden fear that if he didn't hold the boy tightly enough, the tide would carry him out and drag him under the waves along with the crimson sun.

"Eren," Levi murmured fiercely, "it's not fair. You've given up everything for this world, and you're not going to get to see it."

"If you want, we can escape. You won't have to die, and you'll get what you deserve. You wanted to visit the ocean – that was you last wish – and if you let me help you, we can come to the ocean every day until the end of the world. Nobody will ever find us. We can be _happy."_

Eren shook his head. "I can't run away. I promised Historia that I would only see the ocean, and then I'd come home for them. It's my duty to kill the last titan, no matter what. When I die, humanity will see that as the last titan dead, and those monsters will be really and truly extinct. Then, humanity can begin a new age in a free world. If I don't die – if I run away – then that just means that a titan still walks the Earth somewhere. Humanity can't live with that threat."

"It doesn't even matter if the threat they say I pose is real or not. Do you remember why they tore the walls down?"

"Of course," Levi responded. He had been there, watched the great white stone crash onto the ground in a cloud of dust while the crowds cheered so loudly that his ears rang for the next week. "Historia tore them down because the people were free, and the walls were a symbol of their imprisonment. And of the titans."

"Right," Eren smiled sadly. "And I stand for the same things as the walls. They have to tear me down, too."

The sun was almost drowned now, and only a faint sliver of amber-red lay above the sea.

"Levi?"

"Mmm?" Levi absently ran a hand down Eren's cheekbone.

"Why did you fight for humanity? I know that Erwin forced you to join the Survey Corps,

but he couldn't have been the only reason you fought for all those years,"

Levi considered the question for a moment.

"I think," He began slowly, "That it's important to fight for those who can't. Just because someone's not as able as you doesn't mean that you two don't have an equal right to live. It's my duty as a capable person to fight for others who don't have a voice. If a mute man can't speak, I have to speak for him. If a child can't protect herself, then I have to be a protector."

"By the same principles, could you do something for me?" Eren's voice was small and hesitant when he asked, ducking under Levi's gaze.

"Of course," Levi agreed immediately. "Anything,"

"I won't be able to see the world," Eren smiled sadly. "I wish I could, but my time is up. Since I can't explore this planet, I want you to do it for me. After I die, I want you to go and see as much of the world as possible. Document it with pictures, or a journal, or _something_ so that other people can enjoy it, but I want you to enjoy it, too. Have adventures for me, Levi. As many as you can possibly have. Climb every mountain you find, cross every desert, hike through every rainforest. Have the world for me."

"Stupid brat," Levi whispered raggedly, choked. "I can't see the whole world. It's too big"

"I know. I wish Earth was big enough for you to see in a lifetime, but maybe size is the beauty of this planet. Nobody can see all of it, so we just have to treasure the small pieces of the world we _have_ seen. I don't expect you to see the entire planet, but at least see as much as you can, and then inspire others to see the rest of it. And once you're done, settle down and raise your children safely, and be happy."

"Levi, _please,"_ Eren seized the front of Levi's sopping shirt and searched the older man's eyes, silently pleading. "I told you there's nothing from the past I want to change, and that's true, but that doesn't mean I don't have any regrets. I always wanted to see the world, and now I can't do that, so I need you to do this. I can't die with unfulfilled wishes, Levi, _please."_

"Eren," Levi ran a hand through Eren's glossy, soaked chestnut hair and down to rub the back on his neck in gentle circles and nuzzled softly at the boy's collarbone. "Of course I'll go for you. You think I'm going to let you be unhappy?"

Eren laughed shakily, relieved, and clung to the captain. "Oh my god, thank you so much, Levi. I was terrified that you'd say no."

Levi brushed a feather kiss across Eren's lips. "You stupid brat, Eren, I love you. How could I ever say no?"

"I was afraid that it's too much to ask," Eren said quietly.

"Not for you,"

Levi leaned in for another kiss, and this time, he was brazenly desperate, seizing Eren's mouth and vying for his tongue. Eren responded in kind with a soft moan, and the two of them slipped under the waves for a brief moment, clinging to each other in the churning current.

When they final did break away and came back to the surface, gasping for breath, a panting Eren grinned down at the captain. "I love you too, Levi."

The two slept on the beach's soft sand that night. Eren fell asleep first, and Levi spent several long hours staring up at the coldly shining stars while Eren's breath warmed his skin. When he finally did fall asleep, it was with the lingering taste of his own tears on his lips.

Those tears were just as salty as seawater.

The next morning, the two reached the capital just as the city was waking up. Erwin came to take Eren away right before noon, and then Eren and Levi's goodbye felt just as solemn and fearful as any farewell before a battle, and after one last kiss and smile, Levi felt absolutely shattered.

Ten minutes later, he already felt cold without the shifter's familiar heat at his side.

Historia had given her speech is a deep violet dress, thanking Eren for his service, and Levi displaced reality just enough to feel numb and hollow as the blade fell and the crowd erupted behind him, cheering and tearfully embracing even as Levi's team sobbed around him.

He couldn't shed a tear himself, no more than Historia did.

Ruby blood pooled over the platform while the steel blade shone in the sunlight. A head with a crown of brown hair rolled across the steps, mouth lulling open in a silent, gasping exhale. Wide eyes frozen and glazed.

The crowd saw it and reveled. Jean, Connie, and Sasha saw it and wept. Historia saw it all, too. But without reality, Levi didn't really see the execution and its aftermath. Everything he saw was just skimmed over and shoved into some dark corner of his mind for later, and Levi was blind.

Reality only returned to him an hour later, as he stood absently with his teacup after lunch in his old office. When his mind brought out the memories of the execution and finally processed them, holding them up to Levi like a child proud of his drawing, Levi was promptly sick all over the office's hardwood floor. _Then_ he sobbed like a baby, and every time he let out another choked cry, the sound tore through his lungs and his chest caved in on itself.

Erwin found Levi and tried to console him in his office, slowly reaching out to touch the captain's shoulder, treating him like a frightened, wounded animal. The moment Erwin touched him, however, Levi was reminded of the commander taking Eren away. Hange had to inject the utterly inconsolable man with a hefty dose of morphine.

The drug seized Levi around the waist and plunged him into a deep sleep. If it was any small mercy, it was that he didn't dream.

Levi had used to think that he was good with pain. In the underground, pain came often and harshly, and it was unavoidable – a white hot switchblade to the side, another knife to the shoulder or a swift kick to the ribs - Levi was overly familiar with all of that and more. He could have a leg break with an audible crack and still walk on it. It was just a matter of moving forwards, anyways and always. But losing Eren was something deeper, a blade that cut to the soul. He couldn't shake the boy from his thoughts, and he nurtured an ache as deep as the sea.

It was so grossly unfair, and the injustice hurt almost as much as the loss. Levi had fought almost as hard as Eren, and endured far more hardship than anyone else in the world. And yet, when the dust settled, he had nothing. He'd had Eren at first-which was all he wanted, all he had ever wanted from the moment he had laid eyes on the boy – but now he was gone, too. And while everyone was reaping the rewards of the war, he was left abandoned and robbed in the dirt.

What goes around comes around, I guess. He'd started with nothing, and here he was again – with nothing and nobody.

The days did cease to matter, but Levi forced himself to get out of bed at seven every morning and make use of the day ahead. He spoke to Hange to tell her about what he needed to do, and he got a serum from her to help her sleep. Three times a day, Levi choked down some bread and vegetables. He had to keep his strength up for the journey ahead. And Eren would want him to take care of himself. He asked Hange to show him how to draw, and then he spent the next weeks perched among the rubble of Wall Maria, where he practiced sketching birds and people and anything else that came his way.

At the end of the second month _after_ , Levi quietly packed his bags. He brought the basic supplies – food, water purifiers, some medicine, and a gun. He also packed a camera and a sketchpad to document whatever he found. Levi briefly told a few others where he was going, and when he went to tell Historia that he would be off to see the world, she broke down and wept. The queen begged his forgiveness for ordering the blade to fall, and told Levi about all the moments she and Eren had shared, how dear he was and how stark the world seemed without her dearest friend.

Levi did forgive her. What Eren had said was true, that humanity couldn't really live until he was gone, and he'd done his duty as a soldier when he died. Historia's order had only been her doing her duty as a queen.

But he wasn't going to forget.

At the end of that week, Levi saddled his horse and rode out of the capital before dawn. Sleet was coming down strong, but Levi didn't put his hood up. The biting, freezing droplets stung his face and made him shiver, but he savored the little piece of the world and marveled at the way lightning split the dark sky. Each roar of thunder made his heart race and his blood sing.

Spurring his horse into a gallop, Levi sped across the storm-enthralled plains surrounding the city. To the west lay the endless ocean, but Levi couldn't bear to go there so soon after Eren's death, alone. Eren had been laid to rest in a snowy marble tomb on the shore, and maybe on the way back from the world, Levi could stop there and tell Eren everything he'd seen and done. For now, though, Levi was more inclined to head out towards the east.

The captain made a striking figure, galloping off into the sunrise on his black mount. So full of fire, and setting out into the unknown for an adventure of a lifetime. On his back, the blue and white wing emblazed on his cloak flapped in the wind, off on yet another expedition.

And somewhere a bit higher, Eren was watching. And waiting.


End file.
